i woke up this morning to see 85 missed calls.
from K. the first thought? "not again".
i just dont get K at all.
on my way to novena with C,
i so wanted to burst into tears.
i couldnt/dont want to take K's nonsense anymore.
i'm so tired of all his tactics and stuns.
but then again, when i think about C and i.
i gritted my teeth and made a silent note to myself.
"i will endure everything. for the man i love. for us."
after all, K is still C's bff. so i dont wish to make
things difficult for him.

i feel super embarrassed now.
i held it back on earlier but not minutes ago.
i just dont understand how the tears fell.
at that instance when i held onto C,
i couldnt hold back the tears.

flashes of how little time we have left
till his enlistment date and yet i still have
to entertain K makes me lose all of my self control.
at that instance, i forgo all my pride and dignity.
at that instance, i just want to be vulnerable.
at that instance, i just want to be a woman in C's arms.
i needed him to engulf me with his sculpted arms,
take me in as his woman and protect me.
and yes, i'm becoming more womanly in his presence.
(i know you'll be laughing when you see this. ASSWIPE!)

as i type out this post,
my emotions are washed over me. like a tidal wave.
so many thoughts in my mind.
i cant stop the tears from welling up in my sockets.

each parting is getting harder and harder for me.
i know you may think i'm over reacting
because i will see him very very very soon.
but every minute we're apart seems like days to me.
i miss that guy. i miss my boy, my man.

or perhaps why i'm kicking up such a big fuss
is due to the menstrual period to come. excuses.


/i hate to be laughed at when i'm caught crying. ):
thirty six days